


such selfish prayers

by goldengrahams



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blasphemy, Body Worship, I wrote this in a day and it shows but I had to get it out, M/M, Making up shit about the Luxon for porn, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Religion Kink, Religious Guilt, Strap-Ons, Trans Caleb Widogast, Trans Essek Thelyss, Trans Male Character, Wax Play, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:14:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldengrahams/pseuds/goldengrahams
Summary: "You look absolutely divine,” Caleb says breathlessly, slowly approaching.“Then I hope you plan to treat me as such,” Essek says teasingly. Caleb just gives him a cryptic little smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes as he settles onto the bed.“Tell me about the religious rites of the Luxon,” Caleb says, trailing his fingers over Essek’s ankle and calf where they’re splayed on the bed. Essek blinks, surprised."Excuse me?"
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87





	such selfish prayers

**Author's Note:**

> As with all my fics, Caleb and Essek are both trans men in this fic. I am a trans man myself. I use masculine words exclusively for Caleb's parts but I swap back and forth for Essek. Either way there is gratuitous use of the word 'cunt' so if that bothers you feel free to steer clear.
> 
> I made up so much shit about the Luxon and religious practices that go along with it here but mostly I'm just drawing on my personal experience and the experience of Catholic friends for the guilt aspect (I grew up Christian but have a lot of open conversations with former Catholics so it's based off both?). Either way, this is porn and therefore it's probably not that great of made-up stuff but hey that's not what you came here for anyway, right?
> 
> Title from "Bedroom Hymns" by Florence + the Machine, A.K.A. the catalyst of this fic.

Essek looks beautiful in red. Some nights he dresses up in expensive crimson silks, his lips painted and his ears adorned with rubies. He looks beautiful in white, in lacy panties and bralettes that cup his small breasts in a sinfully innocent way. He looks beautiful in every shade imaginable, but Caleb thinks he looks most beautiful in gold. Gilded, wrapped in luxury that shows up warmly against his skin and makes him look like a god.

Tonight, he sits against their headboard, his hands bound behind his back and eyes bright. The chains across his body are draped so as to accentuate the taut lines of his body, grazing his ribs just under his chest and resting on the small roll of fat across his belly and hips. His ears jingle with the jewelry on them as he turns his head coyly. 

"Welcome back," he says with a teasing lilt to his tone. Caleb had briefly left after tying him up to grab waterskins and food. That makes Essek's eyes flash as he wonders what Caleb could be planning. He rarely gets food to feed Essek after scenes, so when he does, Essek knows to expect a very fun night. He likes to be kept in the dark when it comes to Caleb’s plans for scenes. He trusts Caleb to give him what he needs and the excitement he feels when Caleb finally touches him or pulls out a blindfold or crop after being in suspense is dizzying.

Caleb examines him with a shrewd eye as he sets everything down-- the way the ropes pin his arms makes his breasts a bit more prominent, the jewelry through his nipples glittering in the low light. Caleb can see the excited hitch to his breath, his chest rising and falling at random intervals. 

"Well?" Essek asks, always a bit impatient. He rubs his thighs together and Caleb can tell he's wet already. 

"You look absolutely divine,” Caleb says breathlessly, slowly approaching.  
  
  
“Then I hope you plan to treat me as such,” Essek says teasingly. Caleb just gives him a cryptic little smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes as he settles onto the bed.  
  
  
“Tell me about the religious rites of the Luxon,” Caleb says, trailing his fingers over Essek’s ankle and calf where they’re splayed on the bed. Essek blinks, surprised.  
  


“Excuse me?”

“Tell me.”

“They’re a secret,” he says. “Not meant to leave the confines of our society. Closed practice, as it were. Unless you intend to worship it, I suppose.” 

“I intend to worship someone tonight. But does that mean you won’t tell me?” Essek gives a tight little laugh and rolls his hips, still desperately aroused from the time spent tied up and waiting despite Caleb’s odd turn of conversation. The first line does strike him a moment later and he chokes back a groan. They’ve talked about Essek’s issues with the Luxon before, with the religious practices and faith, and Essek has a feeling that’s what this is about.

“No. I have no regard for the rules of my society’s religion, after all.” He swallows. Despite his bold words, there is still some modicum of religious guilt closed around his throat like a vice and he fears to let it loose. But he trusts Caleb more than anyone, loves him the way he was always told the Luxon loved its followers. “Every ten years we have a ‘day of light’,” he begins, and Caleb nods for him to continue as he dips his head down, kissing Essek’s knee with eyes turned up to watch Essek explain. “We release the enchantment that makes Rosohna a city of eternal night and spend the day basking in the sun as much as we can, enduring it for its light. It’s said to ah… bring us closer to it.”

“ _Faszinierend_ ,” Caleb says with a smile. “Do outsiders ever come to these festivals?”

“Rarely,” Essek says. Caleb nods and snaps his fingers and the floating lights appear around the room, illuminating things more as his light kisses begin to trail up Essek’s legs. “A lot of Luxon-practice is within the home,” he says, swallowing a breathy whimper as Caleb’s hand moves to his hip, stroking gently as his mouth hovers over the expanse of his thigh with hot breath. “Every-- _oh_ \-- every time you light a candle you’re supposed to thank the Luxon.”

“Mmm,” Caleb says. “And do you?” Essek scoffs.

“Of course not.” Caleb nods, releasing Essek’s leg and reaching beneath the bed to grab something. He sets it beside his own hip, out of Essek’s eye line, and Essek feels curiosity coil alongside arousal inside him. “Sometimes we worship as a family,” Essek adds. “There aren’t really churches of the Luxon. Temples, sure, but they’re mostly for holidays like the day of light and lesser ones. We do small worshipping sects, though. A dinner in candlelight only to worship it. We drink white wine and pretend it was purified by the Luxon itself.”

“What are the Luxon’s view on idolatry?” Caleb asks softly. He’s moved back between Essek’s legs and is drawing idle patterns into his thigh. 

“The Dynasty allows worship of other gods,” he says. “But the Luxon allows no recreations of the beacons that aren’t intended to be used to worship or idolize it. As far as we know, it doesn’t care if you worship other gods as long as you don’t worship them as though they were the Luxon.” Caleb nods and a small smile grows over his face. 

“So,” he says, almost conversationally. “If I were to eat you out and say my prayers into your cunt, would that be considered heresy?” Essek shudders, arousal spiking through him like an arrow. 

“Only if you know the prayer of light,” he says.

“Then teach me.” Caleb dips between Essek’s legs, pressing a kiss to his clit as Essek begins to spread his legs a little better. Essek’s legs twitch and he nods, letting out a soft whimper.

“Repeat after me,” he says. “The first radiance, who embraced the earth and sundered its body.” Caleb begins to nip at his thighs and Essek whines.

“The first radiance, who embraced the earth and sundered its body,” Caleb repeats. His tongue laves a broad stroke through Essek’s folds.

“I drink to your-- _gods_ \-- to your brightness and wish for my being to b--be awash in your light. I dedicate myself to the beacons and forfeit my earthly form in exchange for eternal life in your glow.”

“I drink to your brightness,” Caleb repeats smoothly, his voice a little muffled into Essek’s skin. “And wish for my being to be awash in your light. I dedicate myself to the beacons and forfeit my earthly form in exchange for eternal life in your glow.” Essek lets out an embarrassingly loud moan, his legs shaking as Caleb spreads his thighs and drinks with enthusiasm and reverence. “Is there more to the prayer?” Essek makes a broken noise.

“Y-yes,” he whines. “May the light rend my body as it did its o--own and create in me a p--perfect-- _mm_ \-- a perfect soul.”

“May the light rend my body as it did its own and create in me a perfect soul.” Caleb finishes the prayer with a forceful suck to Essek’s cock and Essek moans, his back arching as though in rapture. 

“C-- _Caleb_!” He shouts, his hips bucking as calloused fingertips probe his cunt while Caleb’s wonderful mouth sucks his clit with a desperation unmatched.

“Is that part of the prayer?” Caleb teases, and Essek groans in annoyance this time, pressing his heel into Caleb’s shoulder blade.

“It could be,” he says, “if you keep sucking my cock like that.” Caleb chuckles and continues lapping at Essek hungrily, hooking his fingers through the body chain at Essek’s hips and gently tugging on it. Essek moans and his hips grind down against Caleb’s mouth once more before he cums, his mind awash in dizzying, white-hot pleasure. “ _Caleb_ ,” he moans. “Gods.”

“No gods here,” Caleb drawls. “Just us.” He kisses Essek’s thigh as he comes down from the orgasm, continuing to gently rub his clit in small circles until he’s squirming with overstimulation. “Do you want to keep going?” Essek thinks of the mystery item Caleb left by his thigh, as well as the harness and cock that have been sitting at the end of the bed since Caleb tied him up.

“Yes,” Essek breathes. “Please.” Caleb smiles.

“How can I deny my idol when he asks me so prettily?” He murmurs. Essek makes a desperate noise in the back of his throat. “I would love to worship you.”

“You’d worship me?” He asks coquettishly. “If I was a god?” Caleb laughs and shakes his head.

“You don’t need to be a god for me to do that,” he says. “I’m already on my knees before you, aren’t I?” The words are near blasphemy and he’s a bit shocked, as if Caleb hadn’t already treated his cunt as a sacred vessel of the Luxon. He’s surprised by this side of Caleb but he’s aching with arousal again already. 

Caleb reaches beside his thigh to grab the mysterious item and Essek watches with interest as he holds up a small golden candle.

“Have you ever seen one of these?” Caleb asks. Essek gives him a dry look.

“It’s a candle,” he says slowly, unsure if there’s a catch. It looks like a normal taper candle, the kind that light his study, though the one Caleb is holding is a bit more stout. “I’ve seen a candle before, yes.” Caleb laughs. 

“It’s a specific type of candle,” he explains. “It’s meant to be safe for use on skin. It may hurt a little, but I know you often enjoy a little pain during sex. We can test it somewhere less painful like your leg first if you like. Or we don’t have to use it at all.” Essek eyes it with interest. He imagines hot wax dripped against his skin, imagines the little patterns Caleb could draw with it.

“I would love to try it,” Essek says. “You know I’m always curious to learn what things feel like.” He giggles almost shyly. “How long have you been hiding this from me?” 

“I bought it the other week,” Caleb says. “When I bought that new cock.” Essek’s ears twitch with excitement.

“Oh, the one you’re finally using on me tonight?” He asks, and Caleb confirms with a nod. “What did I do to get treated so well tonight?” He asks it with a grin full of sharp teeth and attitude, but when asking things like that, there’s always an edge of uncertainty to Essek’s tone. He still often wonders whether he’s worthy of any kind of affection and it makes Caleb’s heart ache every time he stumbles when shown kindness.

“I just love you,” Caleb says, “Simple as that. And I want to show you that.”

“A smart choice, to show it to me by dressing me extravagantly and fucking me into the mattress,” Essek says in an amused tone. Caleb rolls his eyes and lights the candle with a flick of his finger. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Caleb says. The dancing lights have faded now and he casts a quick mage hand to hold the candle for him as he shimmies the harness onto his hips, adjusting the buckle at the hips. The ones on his thighs are already made for him and kept at the same tightness so he doesn’t have to adjust them all every time. He leaves the cock off to the side and takes the candle from the mage hand before dispelling it. “So…” he gestures to the candle, which has started to drip wax slowly.  
  


“I’m ready whenever the candle is,” Essek says, flexing his ankles.

“How are your arms feeling?” Essek chuckles at Caleb’s concerned check-ins and nods in reassurance.

“Perfectly fine,” he promises. “You didn’t tie them too tight this time.” He flexes his arms just to make sure before nodding. “I think if you untie me before fucking me we’ll be fine.” Caleb snorts and shakes his head.

“So bold in your statements sometimes,” he says. He sits up on his knees and holds the candle high above Essek’s leg. “Ready?”

“Very.” Essek nods and Caleb tips the candle to the side, letting wax dribble off the side and splash onto Essek’s skin. Essek moans almost as soon as it makes contact. It burns, but in a wonderful and pleasurable way. The burn clings to his skin like a particularly good spanking and Caleb looks to him, his face tight and anxious.

“How was that?”

“Very good,” Essek murmurs. “Except one thing.” Caleb tilts his head, concerned. “You didn’t say your prayers, darling.” Caleb laughs and nods. 

“My apologies,” he says. “Allow me to try that again.” He holds the candle over a portion of Essek’s belly uncovered by the chains, seemingly unsure how they’d react together and not wanting to burn Essek or scar him. “The first radiance, who embraced the earth and sundered its body: I drink to your brightness and wish for my being to be awash in your light. I dedicate myself to the beacons and forfeit my earthly form in exchange for eternal life in your glow.” The wax spills in a messy pattern, overlapping and sending shocks of pleasure through Essek’s skin. “May the light rend my body as it did its own and create in me a perfect soul.” Essek’s hips buck and he sobs softly, his eyes opening a crack to watch the wax drip slowly onto his skin.

“ _Caleb_ ,” he sobs. “Fuck, that feels so-- so good.” Caleb smiles and blows out the candle, letting the last few hardening drips land on Essek’s skin before he sets the candle aside to cool completely.

“I assume that was a success, then?” Caleb asks. Essek nods, squirming.

“I’m so close,” he mumbles, gritting his teeth. Caleb smiles.

“Allow me, then.” His forefingers press firmly but not unkindly against Essek’s cock, rubbing in small circles until Essek cums again, his eyes squeezing shut and his hips rolling into Caleb’s hand.

“Fuck,” he mutters softly. They pause a moment as he comes down, his chest heaving. Caleb begins to gently flake the dry wax off his belly and legs until he lets out a small, whining sigh of relief. 

“ _Gut_ ?” Caleb confirms. Essek nods and begins to tug at his bindings. Caleb nods, moving around to his back and beginning to undo the knot. “Oh, _mein Lieber_ ,” he murmurs, kissing the back of Essek’s neck. “You have been so good to me tonight, you know that?”

“Mmm, I think that’s my line.” Essek's eyes have gone sort of hazy and soft, and he tilts his head back to attempt to kiss Caleb. The angle is a little clumsy but Caleb indulges him, kissing him on the lips as the ropes come untied. Caleb tosses them to the floor and circles back around, cupping Essek’s face and kissing him again. “You’re going to fuck me now, right?” Essek asks against his lips, and Caleb can’t help but laugh.

“Not a drop of patience in you, _ja_?” Caleb teases, and Essek shakes his head, wiggling his hips. Caleb places the cock into the harness and Essek has a moment to appreciate it. It’s really stunning, a bit thicker than most of their collection and quite firm. It’s black marbled with gold and has odd twists and ridges along its length and Essek can’t wait to have it inside him. Caleb’s fingers prod gently at his cunt to test the wetness, curious if they even need oil. “Does that feel alright?” He asks. Essek nods and Caleb makes quick work of fingering him open, starting with one, then two, then finally three. Essek cums once during the process and Caleb seems to decide that will make the passage easiest, because within moments he’s slipping the cock inside Essek’s warm, wet cunt.

“Mmmf,” Essek whimpers, his back arching. “Oh _fuck_. The ridges are new.” Caleb laughs and settles into a comfortable position hovering over Essek as he bottoms out. 

“How do you want me, your holiness?” He asks. Essek swallows a laugh at the name, but at the same time it makes a confusing arousal simmer in his gut.

“ _Hard_ ,” Essek says, and how can Caleb deny him with such a clear request? 

He begins to snap his hips sharply into Essek, reveling in the squeaks and moans that Essek lets out unabashedly now. He’s loud when he wants to be. Essek wraps his arms around Caleb’s neck, tugging at his hair as Caleb fucks him hard and fast. His mouth is busy, kissing and nipping along Essek’s neck and breasts. He moves the barbell through one of Essek’s nipples with his tongue and Essek keens, his hips bucking.

It doesn’t take long for Essek to cum and when he does, Caleb’s hips stutter as he chases his own. His thumbs rub circles into Essek’s hips over the chains as he rides out his high, fucking slower now into Essek’s oversensitive body. Essek whimpers and squirms in his arms but doesn’t ask him to stop, letting Caleb rut into him as his cock rubs against the ridge on the toy. Caleb cums with little fanfare, allowing himself to ride it out. It takes all his energy to pull out and take the harness off before collapsing onto Essek. 

“Mm, you’re squishing me,” Essek mumbles grouchily. “And the chains are cutting into my skin.” Caleb chuckles and sits up, beginning to take the body chains off Essek and storing them safely after Essek prestidigitates them clean. He hands Essek the waterskin and a small pouch of nuts and dried fruit.

“How did you enjoy tonight?” Caleb asks, grabbing the toy and harness to begin cleaning them. Essek grins up at him, eating a dried apricot. There’s something so taboo and wrong about what they did, but at the same time he knows no one will ever know but the two of them and in a way, it’s comforting to turn all those traditions he never wanted to be a part of on their head and make them into something genuine and loving.

“You’re a naughty, blasphemous man, Caleb Widogast,” he says with amusement. Caleb just gives him a knowing grin and leans down to cup his face and kiss him reverently on the forehead.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, _mein Heiliger_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Zemnian Translations:
> 
> Faszinierend - Fascinating  
> mein Heiliger - my holy one/my saint
> 
> Also the chain bodysuit Essek is wearing is close to this one: https://www.etsy.com/listing/607714993/gold-body-chain-body-jewelry-festival?ref=hp_rv-6


End file.
